Hey what’s up hello-
Happy Friday! This Friday we find ourselves right in the heart of summer, with nice sweaty days, clammy nights, and lots of weird smells. But summer is obviously a lot more than assorted grossness; it’s also pretty awesome. It’s a time to relax, stoop drink, and roll down the windows on your hooptie (or CitiBike!) and just blast some tunes.
Well, luckily for you Paterson native Fetty Wap is here for something to blast through your speakers. Fetty’s song “Trap Queen” is, according to Genius, “a gratifying tale of Fetty Wap and the three things he loves the most: his money, the bando, and his girlfriend, the Trap Queen.” And what is summer all about if not the things you love the most, hanging out with people to whom you’re attracted and engaging in possibly (or not so possibly) illicit activities? So this weekend, whether you’re chilling at the beach house or the ‘bando, whether you’re hanging with your own trap queen or a little prince, live it up and make the summer worthwhile!
I just wanna chill,
Fetty Ben
Hello Smelly Hipsters-
Happy first Friday of June! Today dawns full of hope, fully of dreams, full of the expectation that you won’t have to go in to the office for the next two days. And maybe even the expectation that it will get a little warmer out there so that you can go lawntanning and see some sweet sweet ladyswimsuits or bananahammocks, as the case may be. Yes, if we play our cards right, we can abandon all of the anxieties that anxietattached themselves to us this week and just let loose this weekend.
And if there is one situation where you can let go, it’s when you’re listening to the suddenly-popular indie rock band WALK THE MOON. Yes, these (presumably) skinny-pants wearers have a real contender for the song of summer with their big hit “Shut Up and Dance.” More importantly, this song should guide your every action this weekend. Holding back? Shut up and dance! Remember, this weekend, and this moment, are your destiny. So throw on some shades, lace up your dancing shoes, and shut up and dance with some awesomeness this weekend!
Oh don’t you dare look back,
Walk the BEN
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Hello May-ers,
Happy Friday, and happy beginning of May! Yes, we are finally putting that April nonsense behind us and moving into a Nsync’s favorite month. Even more importantly, spring is in the air everywhere, from the flowers blooming, the birds chirpin’, the short skirts a-wearing. It’s time to stop bitching about the cold and start bitching about the pollen, to stop worrying about how you’re going to keep your hands warm and instead worry about keeping your butt from touching the subway seat in your jorts.
Times like these also call for a lot of introspection, and if there is anyone who knows about thinking about himself, it’s Kanye West. Kanye’s latest hit, “All Day,” should be your bible for the spring weekends ahead. How long will you ball? All day! How long did it take you to get this fly? All day! Why? Because it’s Spring, you morons, and the days are long and here to be taken advantage of. Kanye knows that and now you do too. And you don’t even have to affiliate with Sir Paul McCartney to do it. Just wake up tomorrow, grab your shades, and do this weekend all day, son.
Shopping for the winter and it’s just May,
BENye
Hello Mad Hatters-
Happy Friday! And happy spring, although if you’re in New York or nearby, you could be forgiven for thinking that spring has not yet arrived, given the cold that greeted us today and the snow that is returning again this afternoon, like that annoying dude in your office who always stands in your door and wastes your precious precious buzzfeed viewing time. Yes folks, some of us still haven’t recovered from our St. Patty’s day hangovers and we’re confronted with another headache: snow on the first day of spring! It’s completely crazy!
And if there’s someone who knows about completely crazy, its Jamiroquai, who dropped the track that you probably listened to on your way to high (middle?) school: Virtual Insanity! What does it mean? Who knows! Maybe something British? I don’t know, but I do know that days like today make me want to put on my weird hat (won it at the boardwalk!) and dance around it a weird shifting box thing. It’s ok if you do too! Just pump up the Jamiroquai, grab your headgear, and headgear up for a virtually insane weekend!
Futures made of virtual insanity now,
BENmiroquai
Hello shivering timbers-
Goooooooooood morning, and happy creepy Friday the 13th. Yes, if you’re reading this, chances are you didn’t win the powerball drawing and you have to get up and go to lame old work, with its TCS reports and its crappy coffee and its small talk you care not to participate in. Between all that and the ambiguity about whether you get Monday off, it’s easy to forget that this weekend is also a weekend of looooooooooooooooooooooove.
Just kidding – it’s not. You’d have to be like, completely cut off from all media to not realize that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. In fact, you’re probably wearing pink at the office right now and dropping some green M&Ms on your coworker’s desk.
But no matter, because the big thing about this weekend is that it’s all for love. And if there is a trio of musicians that embodies this cheesy sentiment, it’s Bryan Adams, Sting, and Rod Stewart. Yes, this musical dream team got together in the early 90’s to pen “All for Love,” an ode to romantic solidarity, like a bunch of musical Lech Walesas. And this song should serve as our guideposts for this weekend: let’s make it all for one, and all for love. When there’s someone that you know, then just let your feelings show, you big creep! Get out there this weekend, buy your heart-shaped chocolates, and dedicate yourself to love.
I’ll be the rock you can build on,
BENyan Adams
Hello Mom Musicians-
What’s up you guys? Happy Friday! Today dawns at kind of a weird time of year – football is officially over, yet baseball has not yet started. It’s really cold out here in New York, yet the days are slowly but surely starting to get longer. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, but Staten Island Chuck did not. In short, there’s a lot going on out there, and it’s easy to feel unmoored these days.
Well my friends, I’m going to offer you a French Canadian dock to tie up your drifting boat of life, and her name is Celine Dion. Yes, she knows that sometimes, there are nights when the wind is so cold. It seems like all is lost in these cold, cold days of February. But then, a spark! A touch! From a lover? From one of your 10 cats? Who cares and it doesn’t matter – what matters is that it’s all coming back to you now! All of that energy! All of the weirdly accented French! It’s here folks – we’re going to get through winter, and we’re going to power our way into this weekend on the strength of the Frenchest of Canadians.
I can barely recall, but it’s all coming back to me now,
BENline Dion
Hello local specialties-
Happy Friday you guys! You all deserve a round of applause for trudging through a workweek that was as long as it was chilly. We’re right in the heart of January, which can at this point in the month feel like it’s more like the heart of LAMEuary. The holidays are in the rearview, your boss doesn’t approve of you drinking egg nog at your desk, and the Christmas candy remnants on sale are the offest of brands. In short, it’s times like these that we need some strongass music to keep us marching.
Luckily for you and me and our marching boots, we have the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy and the preacher still known as Mase, who give it to us straight with “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down.” These guys know who is going to take their pride: nobody! And so it should be with you as you cruise into this weekend: don’t let anyone, or anything, hold you down. Remember: this winter, and this weekend, you’ve got to keep on moving!
Don’t push us, cause we close to the edge,
P. Benny
Hello young shivers-
What’s up you guys? Happy end to the first work week of the year. Yes, this week was a bit of a reality check after all of the celebration of the holidays and the high hopes that accompany the dawn of the new year. Going to the gym? Gotta brave the resolutioneers! Want to get in to work early? Gotta brave the cold! Want to diet? Gotta get used to the lame taste of kale every day!
The point is, it can be really discouraging to get back to reality. But when I’m discouraged, I don’t despair. Instead, I turn to the sage words of Jadakiss, who is, believe it or not, a member of a Yonkers rap collective known as The Lox. Yes, Jada isn’t a Pinkett Smith, but he tells us the words that we need to hear this year: we gonna make it. No one said that 2015 would be easy, you guys. But we gonna make it. Through the snow, the cold, the smelly breath of your cubicle-mate. 2015 will throw challenges in your path, but Jadakiss, you, and I all know one thing: we gonna make it this year!
F*ck the frail sh*t,
Bennykiss
Hello new yearlings-
Happy first Friday of 2015! I hope that this email finds you all perky and finally nonhungover, ready to get out there and tackle all the challenges that 2015 has to offer, like avoiding all of those Marie Osmond Nutrisystem commercials for the next few months. Well my friends, you may be able to mute your TV during the commercials, but you can’t ignore the idea behind them: it’s time to set some goals, big guy.
And no band screams “2015 goals” more than Van Halen with their 1984 hit (and more recent 1992 video) “Right Now.” Seriously, these guys know the real deal: right now is everything. There’s no better time to remember that than today, as we begin running headfirst into 2015. So this weekend, let’s not get distracted by the worries of the past, or by your moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. No, this weekend let’s focus on right here and right now, on savoring the moment like a delicious brownie ice cream sundae that you can find at like, every restaurant. This is 2015, and right now, it’s everything!
Catch that magic moment, do it right here and now,
BEN Halen
Hello Mark Cubans-
What’s up my holiday friends. If you’re not reading this while plotting your next eggnog fix, then you need to srsly GTFO, brah, because you are not holiday-ing right! Yes, bell jinglers, we are less than a week away from the main event, and by now you should all be going strong on a steady diet of office parties and trying to tip everyone so that they still help you next year. But what if I were to tell you that you didn’t have to wait until next week to celebrate? What if I were to tell you that you could do so right now!?
Well guess what, you can, because Hanukkah. Yes, this Jewish holiday is TOTALLY HAPPENING right now, so you should go grab yourself a latke-kale (latkale?) smoothie at the Jews Bar, sons! And if there’s any song that captures the miracle of Hanukkah light, it may be “Burn” by Elie Goulding. Yes, this song is all about the Hanukkahtivity and lighting up the land during some of the shortest days of winter. So they next time someone tells you that it’s too dark to party this weekend or they feel too blah, headbutt them and their negativity straight into last weekend. Because this Hanukkah, we’ve got the fire fire fire, and no matter what the haters think, we’re going to let it burn burn burn burn.
Light it up, like we’re the stars of the human race,
Elie BENding
benspirations 